Stand Alone
by Amber Spirit
Summary: Life sure ain't easy when you find out that your best friend has hots for you. Unfortunatly for Sora, he is going to learn it the hard way. RikuSora Past KH2
1. A cold walk

Stand Alone 

Summary: Sight. Touch. Hear. Smell. Taste. (PROJECT: Senses)

Disclaimer: I don't own Sora, Riku , Destiny Islands or anything out of KH2.

AN: I'm writing this for myself, to get better at writing and describing human senses (hence the project), because I'm hopeless when it comes to this- always swept through the plot and giving no details. But if you have an opinion, shout it in your review.

Because really, opinions are powerful things, and if I'm writing a load of crap here right now, there is nothing more satisfying (for you ,of course) than to shout it in my face. I don't care for flames, opinions are the best feedback for both parties.

Warnings: Spoilers, Riku/Sora. And a bit of AU.

The waves were still crushing.

It was probably the most bizarre discovery, to see everything unchanged, to see the moon still there, the stars-no, the worlds twinkling in the sky and the hum of the see caressing his ears. He didn't know what he expected, really, but still went forward. Still going (as he had all of his life).

The night was simply beautiful, if not too cold and stormy, but that's how he liked it. The moon above him shined in all his naked glory and Sora felt like he was moving on a stage designed especially for him- some dramatic, tragic fight going on behind the curtains, and the held breaths of the audience above. He was walking barefoot, feeling the chillingly cold sand on his feet, which looked surprisingly small without the safety of his shoes. Small and pale. It was strange, but that's exactly how he felt in that moment.

'This is stupid' he stated, matter-of-factly in his mind, still walking along the beach, leaving visible footprints along the way.

'What had gotten into me lately? First I react that way with Kairi, and then I run away from home to ogle the stars in the middle of the night?'

He looked around for the first time, sensing the childish melancholy howling in his heart as he recognized those places: The paupu tree, the racing star, the dock, his own empty boat (rocking in the water) and the overall wild feeling of an adventure. Whenever he thought of those times, the hairs on his back stood up in excitement and he could feel, smell the loyalty between the group of children, and the make-believe wars that built it. The smell of young sweat, ice cream, salty winds of the sea and warm sand Ah, yes, like an old puzzle- lost, forgotten and suddenly found. Putting the pieces together, setting every person in their rightful place: Selphie on the deck, Wakka on the open beach, Kairi near the other one, Tidus upstairs, sparring in the empty tree house and finally Riku. Where did Riku used to stay? Here? No, maybe in the tree house, he likes the cold shadow and dar-No.No, that was after the change, after all those crazy battles, betrayals and the feeling of survival began.

Oh, yes.

Constant to popular belief, Sora knew he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. Nor his strength, moral or sense of justice weren't the things that made him win the battle, bear the keyblade and get him where he was right now. Damn straight it wasn't like that.

He was still here, because Sora was a survivor.

He was flexible, he worked well with people and appeared rather goofy, friendly and (on some level ) even rather helpless. He knew his limits and he learned from his mistakes. It doesn't matter from which angle you look at it, it's still the same, outshining, final and ultimate.

He was a survivor.

Sure, some people saw it differently, like Riku for example. 'You always follow your heart.' It was true in some sense, altered and idealized, but to Sora it didn't matter. You can give it a noble name and a light-basking goal, but he knew who he was and what's more powerful than that?

His gaze flickered to his right, over the small island, lightly illuminated in the moonlight. A memory of a fight, like someone's idea of a projector movie, watching it unfold right before his own sleepy eyes. Two figures (surprising, considering a fact that none of them was a heartless) wrestling, fighting-no, sparring, a friendly match between two boys and ohmygodhowcouldheforgotthat?

He froze for a moment and than relaxed , puzzle again summoned in his mind- Riku belonged there, on the paupu island. Sitting. Watching. Thinking. (Being himself.)

It was no big deal to forget some things, some things about a certain person. Maybe he even wanted to forget him, once, on some deep level of unconsciousness-to forget the betrayal that stung so much, and forget the things his dark half said and done. Who was he, to blame his own memories?

But the brown haired boy smiled with relief and happiness- everything was ok now. Riku said he was sorry, he helped him-no, saved him at the end and Sora wanted nothing more than to forgive him and slip under the safe blankets of childhood rivalry.

He wanted to forgive him, badly.

But some part of his heart refused to do so- the part that screamed 'DON'T TRUST HIM!' every time his best friend said something he should believe, even if it was such a trivial thing as getting some ice cream for him. He was ashamed of himself, especially when he saw how the silver haired boy trusted him- they were the bestest buddies now, as close as you can get, always together, a picture of absolute partnership painted in their minds.

But how can he confess?

Should he try to be casual? Friendly? Angry, hostile?

Oh, GOD! Just don't think about it and you'll be fine. Don't reveal your distrust and doubts….just, just go on.

Sora breathed in, as if dreaming; a clear, salty air with the unearthly aroma of refreshment. He couldn't get enough of it , like a drowning man, reaching and gasping and pleading , hungry and thirsty for more, but never satisfied. A strange feeling. Not a pleasant one. He often dreamt of breathing it again, of walking that beach and shivering in the wild storm, but not like this.

Not alone.

'Yup. Definitely stupid' he agreed with himself and leaned a little, under the pressure of the freezing wind. His clothes- a white sleeveless pajama top with quickly pulled on wrinkled shorts were flapping in the wind, offering very little protection against the salty droplets of water, brushing through his hair, body and soul. He tasted salt and wind and freedom, his tongue already numb with all the cold and aggressive mixture of tastes.

And still, he walked. (Like he always did.)

There was an indescribable hostile feeling in the air, like daggers being thrown at you, but Sora knew he had it every time he was alone, so the Keyblade wasn't automatically summoned yet. It was natural, actually-considering the things he had to learn these past two years, reflexes, senses and intuition.

If he was ever separated from Donald and Goofy, there were often only two reasons:

Either he was lost

Or

His enemy decided to take him down alone.

Heartless, risk and (eventually) fight in both cases. So you really can't blame the poor boy-I mean, the young man, for tensing like he did right now and scanning the area over and over again, for any sign of enemies.

His breathing was soft and very slow as if in a sleepless trance, though his senses were more focused than ever.

Since he arrived to the beach here (30, 20? Minutes ago) there was one place his eyes never leaved, one spot which he stared at (even from the corner of his eyes). The opening to the secret place, a little cave of wonders, delight and adventure, dark and filled with shadows in this particular moment. A darkness so thick and dense, that he couldn't see any further, it made his heart flutter with excitement and his blood pump madly with adrenaline.

Oh, right. The adrenaline. The flight/fright/fight hormone.

It seemed to Sora now that he defeated heartless and flew safely through the dangers only because of it. And maybe, just maybe….he even sort of missed it. That feeling of desperation, but a rush of powers as well-a fight for your own dear life, nothing more, nothing less. Whenever heartless, nobodies (or other enemies) appeared, he was the one in charge, and he always knew what to do. Go, risk, fight, win. Put your life at stake, sacrifice and fight with all you've got (remember-only one chance).

"Those were dark times.." he sighed in the howling wind, even though he knew only too well that he was not being completely honest with himself. Dark times? What dark times? The one filled with fame, friends, purpose? The one worth fighting for? Dieing for?

Suddenly, Sora was scared of himself and the bitter tone used in all those question running through his mind (through his heart), so he started to laugh, a nervous bright noise which got louder and louder each passing second. Before he knew it, the brown-haired boy was laughing out loud (a noise which filled the whole emptiness of the see, island and beach), like a raving lunatic.

It did not have the desired effect.

Actually, it made him feel even stupider than he thought was possible.

He slowly sat down and looked at the stars twinkling above him. He felt like could be sucked in, it was such a powerful sight to behold. He wondered how everyone is doing, Aladdin, Ariel, Winnie, Jack, Elizabeth, Tarzan….hell, even that cold faced Leon, chirpy Yuffie or loud mouthed Cid. He wondered if they ever think of him or miss him.

His feet were getting numb, and his ass was literally freezing, but he could not move, he could not even blink ,his whole body was trapped by the sky and memories and all those endless possibilities. He was thinking about life in general, his present, future (but never the past). A stage when he could choose how to live dreaming, setting up goals and priorities clearly before him and following them (no matter what). It was one of the joys of being a young man: seeing your whole life ahead of you, you can do anything-bring back the death, touch the stars.

There was a strong taste of immortality in that night and Sora gladly savored it.

He lied down on the cold sand, completely facing the sky and just wondered. He thought about lot of things, about Roxas, about the reasons people choose to side with heartless, about King Mickey, other worlds he never saw (and probably never will), about Ansem's reports, about the hamburgers his mum promised him tomorrow, about how Riku is much more sexy than him and how unfair it is, about ye-

'Whoa, where did that come from?' he sleepily scratched his head and sighed. Doesn't matter, anyway. Everyone here (including himself) was acting weird ever since he and Riku came back. It was precisely five months now, and OH GOD, he was getting bored already.

'How selfish of you !' he scolded himself mentally and than realized that arguing with himself is not the best way to solve this problem.

Ah, yes The Problem.

He could remember the talk he had with Kairi, as if it had been just yesterday. Actually, it WAS yesterday, but that doesn't play any role here.

FLASHBACK

Sora sighed with relief when he finally caught up with the red headed girl who was walking with a very furious tempo right in front of him.

"Hey, Kairi! What is this all about?" he laughed cheerily, and let his gloved hands roam through his messed up brown locks (a trademark habit he grew accustomed with over time.)

"Sora! Shhhhhhh..!" she scolded him and gestured to keep his voice down. He pouted and let his arms fall, wondering what the hell was this secrecy all about. Did the heartless come again? A new door appeared? Some new way to destroy Kingdom Hearts?

He felt a rush of excitement at the last question and mentally prepared himself for another fight, another adventure, another p-

" Riku fancies you !" she stated passionately, in that half whisper, half shout , that doesn't make any sense unless you hear it from someone personally and Sora (I kid you not) could think only about one thing he could answer to that.

" Jesus- Kairi, don't use the word 'fancy'. It's so gay!".

Then, when the words finally sank in, he said

"Oh."

There was silence for a while, in which Sora checked Kairi's face for any sign of smile, joke, laugh-ANYTHING, God he was getting really desperate here!

But he found nothing, at which he replied

"Oh."

once again (and his heart kissed the heartless fights and adventures goodbye).

The girl in front of him was carefully watching, as if any little sign of his emotion could prevent her head to be chewed off (either by him, or by Riku). It was getting pretty obvious that she wanted to hear some more rational reaction from him, so the brown haired boy cleared his throat (which became uncomfortably tight since the first statement) and asked:

"Uhm…. Is this a joke?"

'Yes, play it save Sora- don't let her know that it nearly gave you a early death by a heart attack, or anything!' He mentally patted himself on a shoulder for his awesome acting skills and raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"I mean….. He is my best friend and, and…where did you get that crap, anyway?"

His tone wasn't angry, nor disturbed-only a calm confidence that showed he didn't believe the information one nanosecond. Somehow, that made Kairi sort of mad.

"He told me! I…well, he didn't tell it out so bluntly, but the hints were there and besides he always acts strange around you and OH, SORA!" she huffed in frustration at his disbelieving confused face (her cheeks matching the crimson locks now perfectly)

"It's SO obvious!"

"Well, if it was 'SO obvious' I guess I would have noticed sooner." He stated matter-of-factly a little annoyance creeping into his tone. They were both sitting in The Secret place, bits of sunlight touching their bare hands and legs, a perfect place for some dirty secrets to be exchanged, and rumors come into light. Except that the thing Kairi said was none of the stated above, and Sora was amazed how something like that could even LEAVE her mouth!

'Ooohohoho what is this? Our little Sora in denial!? How predictable!'

' There is nothing even remotely predictable about that thing she said! Riku is the manliest man I know! By the way, I'm not in denial.'

Pause.

'And I'm not in denial about being in denial either! Aaaargh! Just shut up, myself! I don't care if I talk with my conscience, or Roxas, but if it's you Blondie, stop filling my head with crap you bastard!'

"-and that's how it started. At least I think." Kairi finished and questionably looked at Sora's dumbfounded expression, obviously expecting some response, so he quickly shifted his uncomfortable position and asked:

"This is all crazy Kairi, I though he had a crush on YOU, right?!"

His red headed friend sighed yet again.

"He does not, Sora." She filled her words with quiet rage and patiently explained her reasons (all the time, talking to him like to some kind of idiot)

"Believe me; I WOULD have noticed if he did."

" This is crazy." Sora repeated, shook his head and winced at the expression the red headed girl was giving him. Jeeez, is she having her monthly spaaz , or something? She's sure getting more and more short tempered with each passing year. Man, he could never understand women. Or men, in this matter (as was proved by the shocking discovery of Riku's sexuality-or lack of, actually).

"Whatever, I'll be going now Kairi. "he smiled and stood up, reaching to help her to do the same. The girl in question angrily pouted, but frowned in worry immediately after.

" I just…. Wanted to tell you so you'll…be prepared if he tries some,..funny things on you."

"Funny things?" Sora laughed and surprisingly held her gaze.

"What 'funny things'? He is Riku, The Riku, our friend! You talk as if he was some unknown boys molester, some faceless stranger from the past!"

"Well" she uncertainly shifted her weight on the other foot and broke the eye contact with the boy, "He IS acting like one, since you came back. Can't you see? He follows you everywhere! You even live in the same house now!"

"How selfish of you Kairi! You know his problems with his parents!" he shouted, and then immediately regretted it. Kairi was often very touchy about the parents issue (her being orphan and all), but when the boy looked at her, she didn't even bat an eyelid. Instead, she still went on.

"I know, but he's doing everything with you, and follows you around all the time (here, I noticed, she was beginning to repeat herself), and now you even sleep in the same room and I'm surprised that we actually managed to escape him here, he is like your shadow and-"

"Shut up Kairi, just shut up, ok?! We don't know even the half of what happened to him and just because you're jealous he's not spending his time with YOU, doesn't mean that-"

" It's NOTHING LIKE THAT!" she screamed and with horror, Sora realized that warm, glittering liquid dripped on her cheeks- she was CRYING and his heart automatically howled at the sight and he hugged her.

"I'm sorry Kairi, I was just angry, ok? I didn't mean it like that." He lamely weaved his apologies together, a little shy and uncomfortable with the whole situation, and stroked her colorful hair.

"Just….just think about it, ok?" she mumbled into his chest and he knitted his eyebrows in confusion. Is she still going on about that gay Riku business? Ah, speak of the devil-

"Hey, I was wond-oh, sorry. Am I interrupting something?"

He was standing there, as if summoned by their angry talks of him and Sora senses certain hostility in the way his gaze fell on the girl in his arms and the way his eyebrows narrowed for a split second. It wasn't anything big, and he most certainly could not see it if he wasn't looking for it, but it WAS there, a constant reminder of Kairi's suspicion.

For the first time that day, Sora faked a smile.

"Hey, Riku."

The girl in his arms suddenly stood up, and with a venomous glare at the silver haired teenager, abruptly left . Rike silently moved to give her the space to exit and only after their friend was safely out of the hearing range , he asked

"Is she ok?"

And then, Sora saw it- saw the difference the girl was hinting on and his fake smile formed into a sad frown. The old Riku wouldn't just stand there, he would rush out of the way to comfort her, ask her the same question he just so confusedly stated to him. He would not be calm and confident, like now. He would not look like that at Sora-no, he would be worried, curious about Kairi, right? He would care for her, right?

The brown haired boy sadly wondered, how long was that bridge between his two friends burning, and when would have he noticed, if the girl didn't tell him.

END OF FLASHBACK

Sora winced as he felt the cold sand mingle with his warm wind-blew spikes and gritted his teeth in annoyance. The storm was calming down a little, though he had no idea how long did it take. How long was he here, anyway? Two hours? Twenty minutes? Eternity?

He couldn't feel his toes and the sand he was laying on stole his entire body heat .The pajama top clung to him like a second skin, as if he was a snake and the shedding season just around a corner. He reached, with one hand above-into the skies as if grabbing some veil, some sort of exotic dark curtain to pull down and play with, but obviously found nothing, and the hand was dropped on the exact center of the dangerously slow heartbeat.

He still, after all those fight had his heart.

Thank God.

The waves were still crushing and the foam was still humming that sweet song he grew to love, even more than his mother's lullabies. He felt very special that moment, a special in sense: Look at me! I'm being all symbolic and stuff here in the middle of the night while all of you sleep, clutching your favorite teddy bear! Losers!- kind of way, but that didn't last very long. What was he doing here, for God's sake? It's FREEZING!

Riku.

Yes, Kairi was right, they did grow close and they did live together now and they did sleep in the same room. He never saw anything wrong with it. He was partially glad, Riku was a great person, not to mention super cool, and his company made even the most boring days drip with challenge. He knew what was funny and when was the sensible time to stop and most importantly- he knew how it feels to ache under darkness, and he (more than anyone) knew what it takes to destroy it.

Not to mention, he was smart as well , so their conversation weren't filled with the latest blitzball players (like with Tidus), or the new girl that moved in last week (like with Kairi). No.

Their conversations, especially in the night (staring at the ceiling) were filled with deep philosophical theories and past experiences. Riku never told what really happened when he was trapped in 'Ansem', nor when he was fighting his inner darkness, but shared a few brief moments (important in their own symbolic way) and Sora was ok with that- he respected it.

Hell, he never thought of himself as the philosophical type, but when he talked with his best friend, words and ideas just flew out of his mouth. It didn't matter if they were stupid or absolutely brilliant-it wasn't about the final statement, but the conclusion.

All in all, Sora enjoyed his company, enjoyed eating breakfast together, sharing amused glances whenever Tidus said something totally stupid, he enjoyed playing video games with him, reading bloody cliché vampire stories out loud (complete with sound effects and acting dialogs) in the middle of the night, he absolutely loved their word wars and arguments and,and…..

And all the time Riku 'fancied' him?

What a laugh. He would have noticed……right?

" Damn it." Sora sleepily mumbled and batted his eyelids three times in a row. Too much thinking, too much. Thank God Riku was so tired that he immediately fell asleep, otherwise he would worry about Sora's mental health right now- and who wouldn't?

He tiredly lifted his head and checked the moonlight blue area around him for any signs of intruders or heartless. Nope. Alone.

The wind picked up again and pulled at his dirty sand-filled clothes, hair and skin. His numb hand still rested at the top if his chest, heartbeat pulsing through and man! If somebody came right now, they would have thought he's dead!

This amused him for a while, until the light-headiness took over and he slowly, very slowly closed his eyes. Crap, he's too tired now, hopefully he'll wake up sooner than Riku tomorrow, or he'll have a lot of explaining to do. Jesus, the silver-haired boy acted even worse than his mother sometimes, seriously!

Ah, well- he will think about all the Riku stuff tomorrow. Sora wasn't stupid, he knew there was absolutely no chance for him to wake up earlier than the silver haired boy- no one can, it's just not humanly possible. So he'll probably be shook awake by his panicked best friend, first thing tomorrow morning oh, yeah. The thought made him smile. He let his legs lay completely now, all stretched , his hand still leaving to clutch at his heart and closed his eyes.

That's the best dead man imitation he could do (for now), and almost couldn't sleep for the excitement of Riku's death attack at finding his best buddy sprawled unconscious on the beach tomorrow morning. Ha! That'll show him not to kick his ass in blitzball with Tidus!

The hum of the palms and the sigh of the sea calmed his senses as Sora's amused smile disappeared, almost as if swept away by the wind. He blinked for the last time, looked at the sky for the last time and closed his eyes. The sand under him was no longer icy, but pleasantly warm from his own body heat and he snuggled deeper in ,as a small baby snuggling into a blanket. Slowly, his expression relaxed, that deep beauty in seeing someone's face when asleep and his chestnut dark hair (in the moonlight) framed his face like a shining veil. The breathing became regular and eventually identical with the crushing of the waves and rocking of the little boat by the dock. And the moon still shined and the stars still twinkled and no one came to break that haunting solitude , no heartless, nobodies, or even his friends. No one.

It was just him and the moon lighten beach: a cruel sanctuary of sand that he would not-could not (for all that was dear to him) make himself leave.


	2. Breath

Stand Alone

Disclaimer: I do not own KH or KH2.

AN: Oh, thanks for the reviews and favs people. Never would have thought anyone would read this.

And yeah, the test from Geography sucked. ROYALY.

Anyway, since this story is so frigging boring it makes me want to sleep (and that's saying something considering the fact that I write it) I will just have to put more over dramatized Sora thinking here again.

Oh, and yeah. Riku is hot. giggle

-------------------------------------

_Tip._

_Tip._

_Tip._

The boy opened his eyes wide, as if watching a distant dream and then closed them again- the steam from the bath hazing his senses and making him feel light headed and curiously drugged.

The mirror next to him didn't offer it's reflection, but Sora didn't want to look anyway.

He felt like crap.

'I think I might be going down with a cold.'

He half heartily chuckled and nearly chocked on the water in his mouth, before realizing that drinking the stuff he is actually _bathing_ in isn't the brightest thing he thought of this morning. But it's just not fair! He was frigging THIRSTY and Riku didn't let him drink any substance from their fridge before swallowing that medicine crap (which tasted like horse shit-granted, Sora never ate a horse shit, but he could imagine it tasted horrible).

His best friend was currently making a tea for him and calling his mum, something which took WAY too long for the brown haired boy to be comfortable with. The whole episode at the beach made him laugh though-he was one hundred percent right, Riku _did_ freak out and he nearly _did_ die of heart attack when he saw the unmoving figure sprawled on the sand. There was a price to pay for that hilarious expression however, since Sora spent the whole night outside and freezing, by the time morning came, he was a walking icicle.

And yes, the first thing he did when being dragged home by his best friend, was taking a long hot shower-well, at least he wanted to, but his frozen feet didn't seem to have the power to hold him anymore. So here he is, lying in the warm water, his throat scratchy, stingy and dry from the lack of any liquid substance. And GOD, was he thirsty!!!!

'So this is how it's going to be- the great Keyblade master dieing of thirst while taking a bath. How...poetic. And depressing.'

Having nothing else to do, the young boy took the nearest bathing gel around and absentmindedly started to rub it on his skin. It smelled weird, like yogurt and vanilla and honey- the scent made Sora want to gag, but his mother obviously found it pleasing. Or Riku. He couldn't remember which one was the original owner and didn't care anyway. He was just so goddamn thirsty! THAT'S IT! HE IS SO GETTING OUT OF H-

'Tst, tst.' his conscience patiently voiced in his mind with the hidden edge of amusement.

'What did you promised yourself Sora? Hmm? Let me help you: I will not leave this bath without-'

" -having that Riku issue solved and planned out, I KNOW. Jesus!".

He sighed and put the gross smelling bath gel on the edge of the bath, all the time glaring at the invisible blond in his head. Roxas was a cool Nobody and all, but having him stick his nose into his private business wasn't so grand as one would've predicted. He could feel the mental breakdown was near, so Sora did what he always did when something like this happened.

He called Riku .

" deep breath RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIdeep breath KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!".

There was silence for a while and then the sound of rushed footsteps creaking with each stair up the house. Just as the door to the bathroom abruptly opened, Sora loudly sneezed.

In the opened door, stood the main protagonist of his currently Worst Case Scenario (A.K.A. The Problem), looking very pissed off, embarrassed and worried at the same time.

Sora decided to voice his frustrations. Loudly.

" What are you creating a NOVEL with my mother over the phone or WHAT?! You said you would gimme some TEA! whines Riiikuuuu! You are actually letting your best friend to die of thirst on PURPOSE! Have you no heart?!".

The pun with the heart wasn't intended, but fortunately Riku didn't seem to care. The silver haired teenager just angrily sighed and let himself lean on the edge of the door, his aquamarine eyes never leaving the pissed off figure in the bath.

"Good God , Sora! You really _are_ bossy when you're sick."

The statement was low, irritated and mumbled. Sora automatically saw that there was some other frustration hidden beneath, so he decided to stop the 'asshole act', and do what a real friend should do.

" Hey, Riku-you ok? It's that... I don't wanna intrude or anything, but you've been kinda distant lately and well...I sort of... miss talking to you."

It was true. He _did_ miss his best friend ,tremendously and to be honest- he didn't give a damn if Kairi thought he had hots for him. Riku was...well Riku and there was no way in hell that Sora would let their friendship slip between his fingers. Again.

"I just have some problems getting used to the school and people here. It's really different, isn't it? (Sora stupidly nodded) So I was kinda thinking about it and...stuff."

he lamely finished and Sora nodded with obvious understanding.

TWO WORDS. Just two words, I tell you!

BULL. SHIT.

Let me say that again

BULL

SHIT!

Ok, even if he didn't know his best friend, what was enough, was enough. Seriously. Riku was so easy to read- especially when lying. He did it again, just a minute before when Sora asked him.

When he's thinking of telling the truth, Riku tries to remember (his opinion, data or feelings), hence letting his eyes gaze to right.

When he's lying, he tries to _make_ something up , automatically shifting his eyes to the left.

Sora actually never told his friend he knew this, but maybe it was for the better, since it gave him a rather massive insight into Riku's untouchable mind. So when the older boy let his gaze wander on the wall to the left, Sora automatically realizing that his best friend wasn't so honest with him (at all).

But-oh God! What if he acts this weird because of what Kairi said??

-deep thought-

Nah! waves hand

" Oh, well. Sorry for making you get up here." Sora absentmindedly replied, not really meaning the words, but too lazy to come up with a plausible answer. The tone he used was final, an ultimate ending of their short conversation, signalizing to the older boy, that it was time to leave.

Riku didn't move.

Sora sighed.

" Did you finish talking to my mum?".

" Yeah.".

Silence.

" So..uhm...could you make me some tea, please?".

" Okay.".

When Sora heard indistinct shuffling of door behind him (not bothering to turn around), he finally let his guard down. Damn this crap, Riku sure is acting weird, not taking the obvious hints to get his ass outside!

The brow haired boy put his face into the wet folds of his hands, a small sanctuary of liquid,warmth and pureness. He didn't know how he will be able to face the school tomorrow, he felt seriously shitty, not to mention emotionally unstable. Lately, he keeps having these strange urges to browse the beach at night and newfound insomnia symptoms that made him look like a walking zombie throughout the whole day. It was sort of like the feeling of love sickness, or better yet- _home sickness_ , the unbearable feelings which made him want to get up and leave- granted, Sora didn't know exactly _where , _but it definitely wasn't anywhere near on Destiny island.

He doubted it was anywhere in this world at all.

_Tip_

_Tip_

_Tip_

' These depressing thoughts will be the end of me someday. Okay, that's it: my dear bath, it's time to leave you and join the world of the living. It was nice while it lasted.'

He slowly, very slowly stood up and let the few glittering droplets of water run down his pale body, his skin curiously blurred under the image of warmed up steam. One leg. He crossed the bath. Second leg. He was ou-

"RIKU?!"

Sora nearly suffered a heart attack when the figure leaning on the doorway (the one that was supposed to leave AEONS AGO!) nearly slipped on the wet floor, obviously freaked out by the boy's scream more then the boy himself. Sora's heart beat so fast, he thought it would explode- he quickly grabbed a nearby towel, and plastered it on his hips.

" If he tries some... funny things on you..."+

Kairi's voice echoed through the boy's head as he met the bewildered and somewhat embarrassed eyes of his best friend. Fuck. She was right. 'Is this frigging funny, Kairi?? IS IT??? Cuz I'm NOT laughing!'

Now calm down Sora. So what? He saw you naked, no big deal. He is your _best friend_. Of COURSE he's bound to see you naked at one point in your life. He is not, I repeat NOT a pervert. He does NOT try to take your virginity, he doesn't want to molest you, he isn't going to rape you, he-

OMG he has that weird look on his face again. Like the one when he found me on a beach. OMG. OH MY GOD.

OH. MY. GOD. panic panic

Since the former mantra of safety didn't work, Sora decided to take a different approach.

Indifference.

OK, so he looks like he wants to molest you...so what? Come ON, pull yourself together man! You faced death and evil and betrayal, all thanks to him. All of those things made you stronger, they made you unbreakable! And you're scared just because your best friend wants to have sex with you. Pfffth! Jesus Christ, look at how pathetically vulnerable you look right now. I bet it's turning him on.

I bet you would be on bottom.

And the last thought made Sora angry. Scratch the last statement- it made him _livid_. He was beyond pissed. And a pissed of Sora, was a scary Sora.

His voice turned dangerously low.

"Riku? What are you doing here?".

The boy in front of him visibly flinched.

It was funny how emotional he looked right now. Whenever in school or just outside,Riku was the emotionless one. The apathetic one. The cool one. It was usually Sora who displayed his feelings openly on his face and through his actions. Never Riku. Never the one in control.

It was funny how quickly the tables turned.

No one moved for a very long time,just two still figures, facing each other in the mist of steam.

Then after a very, very long moment, Riku went for the door , faced him for the last time , whispered something for the last time and quietly left.

The look he gave him was that of a young boy, who was robbed of his favorite toy, _his_ precious toy

and the injustice of it all.

"Sorry.".

_Tip_

_Tip_

_Tip_

_-------------------------------------------------------_

You cross the border once too often and you never come back. Never. No matter how much you might want to, no matter how often or how plaintively you insist 'I've had enough, please, I want to go home now'. No more home, everything is here, now, and this is the place you must stay, the feeling you must be aware of as if a person with a fresh new handicap might tell himself to get on with life, get up and walk, only to be forced down by the brute fast of the now: You cannot live that way anymore, your apparatus is gone, is changed forever. No more of the old life, no more of anything but the look in Riku's eyes, the irregular harsh breathing, the twitching fingers and higher expectations-more than friends ,Sora, MORE.

He shuddered and felt the urging need of the cold wide-open mattress , the sprawled lazy position, on his back and more importantly-alone.

This was a bad idea.

Ever since that freakish incident in the bathroom, Sora was painfully aware of every little gesture of his best friend and the hidden (twisted?) meaning behind it. He just wasn't sure if Riku really liked him _that_ way and the whole day was spent in observing, judging and planning. Sure, that weird look he spotted on him in the bathroom might have been a plausible evidence, but after drying himself off, drinking some tea and eating hot food, it seemed more of like an illusion made of steam-something freaky, yes, but not entirely real.

So Sora pretended that nothing happened.

It wasn't so hard, really. Normal Riku was much better than the quiet, avoiding one, so they spent the day joking, torturing each other with some school work and house chores. They were supposed to spend the night alone, because his mother went over to help some of her friends to move out and g telephoned him an hour ago, to say she was sleeping over (and " Riku, don't let Sora do anything stupid!!" Yeah, right as if HE wasn't the one nearly MOLESTED here!). It was only around eight o'clock, that Sora began to plot.

How can you find out that your best friend likes you? How can you force him to make a move on you?

He hated this confusion. It made him feel edgy, nervous and strangely scared. He wanted to know what was he getting himself into. He wanted to know if Kairi was right.

So he plotted.

It didn't take long to come up with something ,and since Sora was an intelligent individual (HAHA!) , by the time they were supposed to go to bed, a promising plan was already coming it's way.

He decided to use the fact that he was sick to his advantage, something he wasn't so proud of, but hey-beggars can't be choosers, right?

Since he left the beach that morning, his temperature was a little above average and his head hurt like crazy-Riku gave him several pain killers and then vehemently stated that he's not, under any circumstances, fit to go to school tomorrow.

Not that Sora found anything wrong with that. He was a healthy fifteen year old boy, _of course_ he hated attending school. So he happily complied and decided to spent the majority of next day in the warm sanctuary of his bed. But there will be time for healing later. Now was now and Sora just HAD to find out The truth.

Both of them slept in Sora's room, naturally. It was like that every night- sometimes they exchanged places depending on who won their latest bet or a video game , but Riku let him have the bed tonight, for fear of making his condition even worse by sleeping on the mattress (on the ground).

They said their good nights and the light was turned off.

Silence lazily stretched.

'Should I do it now?' Sora quietly pondered, the dark stretching the shadow of his face all over the sheets. 'But wouldn't it be a little too mean to him? Should I just get up a-'

and then, just like that, with no warning whatsoever, the rigor began.

The ice cold sensation washed over him like shadow, a tremor, disease, a warning-something is wrong with your body.

He was, needless to say, surprised, but not with the action, instead at the unfortunate timing. Rigor was a regular occurrence to him, ever since he had his first flu as a kid and from the limited experience, he wasn't so sure what to do. His body was trembling and shivering beyond control, the cold firstly enveloped his feet, then his hands, chest and cheeks. After a short while, the silence was interrupted by an awfully loud rattling of teeth and with a startling realization, Sora discovered them to be _his_.

o-Ok,k,kaay, t-t—t-tthis w-wa,a,sn't-t s-s—supposed t-to h, h-a-a-ppen!!!!

What should he do? What should he do?! He tried to remember his mother, how she cured him, what did she do, but all he could recall right now was her ,hugging his petite childish form and enveloping them both into a heated up blanket. It didn't sound like a professional cure, but it had to do for now.

Oh, but where could he find the electric blanket NOW???! Damn it!!! This is ALL fault of the stupid BEACH! CURSES! If only he hadn't go that STUPID island with the STUPID freezing wind and the STUPID crazy sk-

"Sora?."

a muffled voiced sleepily stretched through the empty room and the browned haired boy forcefully gritted his teeth- don'tethimhearmepleasedon'tlethimhearme!

His own canines betrayed him though and the teeth started to rattle louder than before (CRAP!), successfully waking up his best friend/stalker/admirer from his dreamless sleep. Or maybe not dreamless. A random thought suddenly flew through his head and Sora wondered if he's the main protagonist in all of Riku's wet dreams.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

The sudden embarrassment made his teeth rattle even louder and by the time he came to his senses a dark figure was already towering over him. The boy continued to shiver.

" Sora? Are you alright?".

Then with a slightest panic and desperation

"Sora?!".

"I-i-t's t-t-he r-r,r-rig-gor-r,r f-f,f-ro-om t-t-th-ee f,f...f-e-v-v,er-r-r-r...".

The boy was pretty much desperate now, this shaking and shivering and tossing was pure hell-he wouldn't even give a damn if the silver haired boy raped him now, he wouldn't care at all.

The only thing that matter was the fucked up rigor and the coldness and the pain.

He wanted it to stop!!!!!!!!

If it was humanly possible, Riku panicked even more than the trembling boy.

"Christ, Sora! Do you have a fewer?? Should I call your mum? Do you want some water or...god you're shivering so hard! Sora! Fuck! What to do, what do...".

He looked liked he was thinking real hard, but the younger boy lost all his powers of observation since he woke up on the beach this morning. He was freezing cold, a bucket of ice dragging itself across every possible nerve on his skin-cold, cold, cold...

With his last bit of power, Sora grabbed the older boy's pale hand and dragged him into the bed with him. His skin was soft and mercifully warm, the sweet heat enveloping everything around like a comfortable cocoon basked in the light ,nearly lulling him to sleep. He stayed awake though, and snuggled into Riku's body like a very bold cat, savoring the moment as all of his senses shut down with heat. Riku was shocked, to say at least, but recovered rather quickly, carefully wrapping his arms over the other boy , invitingly, safely.

Happily.

After a while (he didn't know how long, really) Sora breathed sigh of relief and closed his eyes. The temperature didn't torture him anymore, his head hurt a little, but it was nothing major and it was only then that the former Keyblade master recognized the situation he was in right now.

'Well, here is your answer Sora.'

Here it was ,indeed. He tried to move, but the arms wouldn't let him, maybe Riku was asleep? No, the irregular harsh breathing echoed through the room, each one more scared (Excited? Shocked? Amused?) than the last one, so escaping was out of question. He _could_ ask ,of course, but there was no way to say this delicately. What would he ask for? "Oh, Riku-by the way, could you please just get your molesting hands of me and let me GO!?"

God, he was panicking and that was never a good thing with Sora. The heat he previously so cherished now burned him, he was too _hot _all of sudden and most importantly-he was scared. So he faked it, letting his breaths become regular and sleepy, letting his head, body, mind rest. But inside, he was screaming. It was official.

Riku. His best friend. Wanted him.

In _that_ way.

Why ELSE would he hold him so close? Why ELSE would he let his hands wander under his pajama shirt? Why ELSE would Riku get so turned on and his lips so close to his neck?

WhyWHYWHYYYY?!?!????????????

Did he know Sora was awake? That's why he did it? Because he thought his tortured silence was an approval? That he was ok with it???? Is THAT it?!?

And oh, GOD the heat. He wanted to be on the last night's beach more than anything, his head ache was getting worse and worse – until he didn't think anymore, only prayed for this horrible night to end. A strangely apathetic calmness overwhelmed him, like sinking into the sea, like getting buried into the cold sand. He wished those feelings would last forever, but was sadly brought back to reality by a numb wetness on his exposed neck and he nearly screamed.

OH MY GOD!!!! HE JUST LICKED MY NECK OH MY GOD!!!!!

Sora forced himself to stay rational,unmoving and (most importantly) calm. He just has to wait till the silver haired boy falls asleep , get his thoughts together and then escape somewhere far far away, somewhere quiet and isolated.

He felt claustrophobic already, this funny possessive embrace of Riku was slowly getting to him, the unbearable heat radiating of the older boy's body felt like flames of hell burning him alive.

He squirmed a little, which only resulted into harsher, faster breathing, thus raising the temperature of his companion even more. Sora was suffocating, sweat already pouring out of him like some exotic stone-cold fountain in the middle of the desert.

Ironically enough, Riku's breathing finally calmed down, reaching that regular cool Haven which signaled he was asleep, though the heat still stayed. Sora didn't know how long he layed there, nor if Riku was truly asleep-but those moments were spent in unfinished thought and questions he didn't want to answer.

This will change everything, wouldn't it? Sure, the daily rituals would stay the same and both of them would act as if nothing happened-and what did, anyway? Kairi's suspicion?His own mad thoughts?

How does Riku sees him? Sora, a someone who he would like to shag, someone to fill in his erotic fantasies every teenager boy has? Is he thinking about him when he jerks off?

For some reason, Sora found the last thought very confusing-he tried to imagine him, in the shower, getting it on with his best friend's name on his lips, but couldn't. It was just unimaginable. Everything erotic or sexual didn't link with the silver haired boy, like a wire that was abruptly cut of-a long time ago (somewhere in his past childhood mind).

Sure, Riku was attractive- the boy wasn't blind after all, he could see (and be jealous of) the lean muscles , flawless skin and feathery silk hair- girls at school always tried to get his attention in one way or another " Hey, how are you doing,Riku?" "Wanna go out Riku?" "Ri-ku!". Sora found it incredibly annoying , even if his best friend didn't answer, which happened a lot these days. He just politely answered and threw a cold look, that kind which said ' I know you like me and if you were my type I could do something about it.' Except that he never showed what his 'type' was, not until now.

It was Sora, huh?

Small, blue eyed, weird, confused Sora.

A boy.

'Good God I don't know how I'm going to stomach this one. Oh, if only he wasn't MOLESTING ME in his SLEEP, maybe I could think clearer! Well, it could be worse. He could be molesting me AWAKE!'

Something in him suddenly snapped and the former keyblade master knew it was enough. It was one thing trying to see if your best friend would hug you in your sleep , and appallingly another to feel his erection digging into your back. And hands under your shirt, we can't forget the hands.

It was difficult to wiggle his way out of Riku's curiously protective and at the same time possessive embrace , but after ten minutes or so, Sora slipped of unnoticed. He considered the possibility of waking his best friend and telling him what he thought of him, what he thought of all this, but he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how he felt with this new found information.

Thought he obviously knew what he _should_ feel – disgust, astonishment and burning shame. Somehow he couldn't bring himself to think with any of these emotions. He never though a guy making out with another guy was gross and he tried to imagine his friends like that for a second: Tidus getting it on with Wakka, and then Axel and then Riku... the thought held some sort of disturbance in it, but not because of the gender, Sora knew that. Maybe it was because of the friendship they all shared? Maybe because they were unattractive for him?

'What the hell, I might as well give him what he wants.'

he shrugged at the sleeping figure, not bothering to hide his apathy. Now that he was out of that claustrophobic embrace he felt very calm , uncaring and curiously brave .If Riku wants to screw him all over -it's his thing, and after all that he had faced in his former keyblade centered life, sex was the least of Sora's current problems. He looked at the silver haired boy in his bed for the last time and bend over to pick up his wrinkled trousers and dirty sandals.

And then he just climbed out of the window and ran. The feeling of deja vu didn't even cross the boy's mind, he just followed the same path he did last night- and when he found himself watching the stars, walking the beach and freezing inside, Sora let all of his feelings run free

and breathed

and breathed

just breathed.

------------------------------------------------

rigor-

**sudden feeling of chilliness: **an abrupt attack of shivering and coldness, typically marking a rise in body temperature, e.g. at the onset of high fever


End file.
